I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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