In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
