My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
