just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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