Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
