Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
