Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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