No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
