How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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