went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
