Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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