If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Apparently you make a good broom.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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