I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
