the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
