We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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