So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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