"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
