wrigley field is MILF paradise
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
