i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize