I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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