i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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