I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
