The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
