my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize