Kiss
Puke
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Can you bring me the toilet please
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
