i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
