Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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