My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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