Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
