So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Boobs speak an international language.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
