Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you traded sex for a burrito?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
