I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
