Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
