I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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