I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
