you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
