fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize