I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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