I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I need a hoe opinion
go on
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
