i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
