Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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