Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize