My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
