Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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