What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
