JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
