It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
