are you still at the devil's house?
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER