haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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