My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.