is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
