just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE