I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
