If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
