I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
