I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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