Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
