someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
