Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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