Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
