puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
