come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
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